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Feelings of Guilt: by Naomi Bareket

Does my guilt help me in any way?

If it is the kind of guilt that prevents me from doing the same mistake or doing something against my core values, then, yes, guilt can be helpful.

For example, we may had done something as teenagers that we felt guilty about and therefore we didn’t repeat it again. In the process we learned about our values, putting our boundaries on what we were willing to do and what we wouldn’t do despite the peer pressure.

So many people though suffer from unnecessary guilt...feelings that don't help the situation but are also very destructive and harmful for them and their surroundings.

What do I mean by that?  If my client feels guilt about something he/she has no control over and continues to put himself/herself down, bodily pain can result along with poor functioning of one's life at home and work...even affecting a spouse, children, co-workers and surroundings.

Questioning your own actions is a marvelous tool for self-examination.  There are things in life that we have no control over; but we CAN question our own actions & almost always exercise control over them.

Do you eat this cake even though you feel guilty? How does that help you?
Do you feel pain that makes you feel stuck rather than fixing things and moving towards recovery?
Do you just feel pity for yourself? How does that help you?

What if you say, “Yes” just because you feel guilty saying, “No?"

Is it because you've learned to be submissive? Or do you say "Yes" due to social pressure and to feel popular? Or do you say “Yes” due to wanting to feel loved?

Do other people hurt you and you feel guilty for that too?

Sometimes we’ve been conditioned to feel guilt. It could take only one event where you feel happy and then someone criticizes you and says, “What's so funny?”......and now you feel guilty for staying happy.

You might get bullied for being yourself. For example, someone told me, “Stop being so nice; people won’t respect you.” Thank goodness, I refused to believe it!
You see that when others feel insecure they will try to project their insecurities on you. Before you know it, you start to accumulate all kinds of negative emotions, including guilt and blame upon yourself, for THEIR unresolved issues.

During one of my private sessions, a lovely lady expressed how she was happy with the changes she had made in her life, i.e. getting divorced and raising her children in a peaceful home, yet, she still feels guilty. Wouldn’t it be better to live happily with no feeling of guilt?  

Why bother to get rid of the guilt?

• ·         Because it hurts and blocks the flow of energy in your body.
• ·         Because if you feel guilty giving to yourself, then you cannot give others what you do not have.
• ·         Guilty feelings can cause intangible pain.
• ·         It can create anxiety.
• ·         Guilt without recovery creates self-sabotage.

What is guilt and how did it form?

There is beneficial guilt as well; the type that motivates positive action and change.

In this case, I’m referring to the unwarranted guilt causing us to be way too hard on ourselves. The guilt that weakens the person physically and mentally won’t promote any change and will cause one to feel incapacitated.

Guilt, like any other negative emotion, has an unconscious root cause.

Sometimes we have a deep internal conflict that is a big burden. It can be formed by the sense of not having lived up to your parents,' teachers', friends’ expectations or created by your conflicted expectations or values.

It might have been passed on to you, via genealogy from your ancestors.

How to let go and what to do?

Luckily nowadays there are amazing techniques such as TLT®, Ho'oponopono, NLP, and more
which allow you to let go of negative emotions.  You are welcome to contact me for a consultation.

Meanwhile, you can profit from a few simple tips that will help you to ease the guilt and make your life easier:

 

1.       Remind yourself that unwarranted guilt doesn’t serve you in any way other than harm you.  

2.       It's up to you to be your own best helper and friend.

3.       Use affirmations, for accepting yourself, such as the one from Louis Hay: "I love myself the way I am. I'm beautiful and capable.”

4.       Only by learning and repenting for your mistakes will you stop repeating actions that produce guilt.  In fact, putting yourself down might put you in a worse state of mind and create self-destructive and more risky behavior to yourself and others.

5.       Challenge your thoughts of guilt. Byron Katie talks about a few questions you can ask yourself:
.... Is that thought really true?
.... Who am I with this thought?
.... Who am I without this thought?
.... Is it really worth keeping this thought?

6.       Forgive yourself. Ask for G-d’s forgiveness; and if possible, ask forgiveness from the people you hurt or even think you hurt. We all know that some things are better simply forgotten & not 'rehashed.'  It will free you from past or imagined hurts you caused or think you caused.

7.       Remember we are human beings and we learn from our mistakes and it is o.k. to be imperfect.  Great scientists & inventors learned MAINLY from mistakes.

8.       Understand that you can't change the past but only accept, forgive, improve and learn.

9.       Do something to repent: I have a friend who felt guilty about not giving enough attention to her grandmother when she grew up, so she volunteered at a Senior Living Facility and experienced her own recovery which mended her past mistakes.

10.    Be aware of the language or the 'self-talk' that can either uplift you or put you down. Pay attention to the wording you use and the questions you ask yourself and change them to uplift you.
Ask yourself:
... How else can I view the situation?
... What can I do today to make things better?
... How can I take my experience and help others who go through similar experiences?
... What did I learn in order to act differently in future situations?
... Can I change the past?
... Can I learn from that and become a better person?
... Is it my belief or others' who disapprove of my behavior or is it their expectations of   

                            me and not mine?  

                        ... Do I feel guilty because I don't live up to others' expectations?  Was I conditioned to     

                            respond with guilt?
                        ... Did feeling guilt (for example, eating junk food) ever stop me from eating it again?
                        ... Will the fact that I’m feeling guilty hurt more people or help more people?

11.    Shift the attention of your mind to productive and moral results.

12.    Be self-compassionate.

13.    Become more self-aware by writing the conflicts down.

14.    Be honest with yourself.

15.    Putting yourself down definitely doesn't help. Instead, do good deeds and help others.

16.    At any given moment remember to do the best with the resources you have.
Giving up is the norm, but ‘holding on/getting back up' is the strength needed for change.

Get rid of the weight of guilt you put on your mind and body.

To sum it up, If you did something wrong and you felt bad about it:
..... Fix it if you can.
....  Ask for forgiveness and reinforce all the good things you did, are currently doing and   

       continue to do.

..... Get the necessary knowledge & learn from other experiences and testimonials.
....  Act differently next time you encounter something similar.

TLT(R) allows us to track the first emotional event that formed the gestalt.  A gestalt is a significant emotional event that is linked together. Each time there is a similar event the guilt is stored together more intently in the memory.  It's like learning a different language which is stored together in the brain; and just like Domino Rally, as soon as you drop down the first domino piece, the following ones fall likewise. Another advantage of this technique is that you don't need to experience the pain again, in order to let go.

Ready for a breakthrough? I'm here for you!

415-480-4736

naomi@neuroSuccessology.com

Cheers,

Naomi Bareket, CEO
MBA, NLP Trainer, Author, Speaker